


Crushed

by kayla_desirae_collins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayla_desirae_collins/pseuds/kayla_desirae_collins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever been in a predicament dealing with your crush? Obviously it's awkward for you to be yourself around them due to nerves, but what happens if you're confronted for your feelings? Confronted by an angel? The angel?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crushed

**Author's Note:**

> Some profanity, but not alot

Little did you know when you woke up, this Saturday morning would be like no other. Things were about to change. You got home late the night before, after finishing a hunt; the boys were already asleep, and Castiel was not present. So you went off to bed, unaware of what the next day would have in store. 

Crawling out of bed, you headed straight for the bathroom to freshen up. It was a little after 8:20, and the boys were sure to be up. After brushing your teeth, you made your way into the kitchen. Your announcement made three pairs of heads looking up at you. You smiled as you saw Castiel, greatful he decided to stop by. His glance; however, quickly faltered, and he looked back down to the table towards Dean. Dean and Sam flashed you their signature smiles and greeted you. 

"Good morning (y/n)," Dean said with a slight hint of sarcasm. 

"Yeah, good morning (Y/n)," Sam added with the same intent. Huh... They were acting sort of weird. 

"Good morning guys," you mumbled due to the groggyness in your voice. Looking up, only to meet the blue gaze again before they shifted back down. They were all off their rockers. You ignored it, because it was still to early in the morning for you. The need for coffee was only increasing. You furrowed your brows trying to piece everything together. Maybe there was something that you had missed. 

As you walked over to the coffee pot, you grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with the steamy liquid. You added sugar and cream while stirring with a spoon. You felt like you were being watched, and turned to see who was staring you down; only to find four sets of eyes on you. 

Kevin stood in the doorway. Clearly sleep had consumed him a few short moments ago. They were all staring at you with grins placed upon their lips. All except for Cas, which he held his gaze anywhere except at you since you'd turned. You twisted back around to grab your coffee and a blueberry muffin. 

"Good morning Kevin," you said as you made your way to the table. You sat down your breakfast and pulled out your chair next to Castiel. He stiffened as you sat by him. Kevin let out a light chuckle before returning your good morning. This was weird. First off, you'd never seen Kevin laugh. His new found life was a living hell in his point of view. Second, Sam and Dean were in a laughing mood as well? This never happened in the same year. Let alone in the same day. Third, Cas didn't even grant you good morning. Out of everyone in the bunker, Cas had always been the first, and some days the only one, to say it. And he had yet to even give you a small attempted smile. Sam and Dean began laughing with Kevin. Something was up. 

After a few bites of your muffin, you pushed your plate forward. Cas glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes quizzically. Every morning, you had coffee with sugar and cream, and then you would eat all of you blueberry muffin. Today, you weren't in the mood to eat, seeing as there was a private joke you were unaware of. 

"Alright guys, what's going on?" you asked reasonablely. Your tone was serious, but it wasn't effective. Kevin had sat down, and now they all three watched as Cas approached your plate to slide it towards you. You looked at him with confusion. His gaze shifted from the plate to you. 

"You need to eat (y/n)," he spoke and turned his gaze to straight in front of him. Sam and Kevin laughed some more, and Dean butted in. 

"Awe, you two are so caring for each other, " he said in a sappy, sarcastic tone. You were oblivious to what was happening. Cas shot a deathly glare to Dean. 

" What are you talking about?" you said as you pushed your plate forward again. Cas turned to you with his squinty expression and moved the plate back. 

"Eat," he said more monotone than usual. You didn't think that was even possible. You were getting upset. They were keeping something from you and it was making you infuriated. 

"Damn it, I'm not hungry Cas," you said shoving the plate a little to hard, and sent it gliding across the table almost to the floor. Sam caught it and his grin vanished with the seriousness of your voice. Same as Kevins, but Deans remained. 

"(y/n)," Cas tried. 

"I said I'm not hungry. Now what the hell is going on with you guys? Your all out of it." Cas tensed up at your lash. 

"Hey now, you can yell at us but not at him," Dean said with a smirk as he pointed to Cas.

"Dean," Sam said in a warning tone to his brother. 

"What? It's not healthy for a couple to yell at each other. It's not good for their relationship." he said looking to his brother and to Cas before smiling ear to ear at you. This caught you off guard. Castiel didn't break his glare to Dean. 

"What the hell are you talking about!" you shouted, catching them surprisingly, as you stood up and your chair fell back. You towered over them waiting with anticipation. 

"You know what were talking about." Dean announced. 

"Dean," Kevin spoke with slight fear as the angel gave him a glance over before returning to Dean. 

"Stop Dean," Sam added. 

"Enlighten me then," you said angrily, not breaking the staring competition you had going with Dean. 

"(y/n) stop, please. Just forget about it," Sam begged. 

"No." you paused looking away from Dean to Sam. "Obviously something is funny. I want to be in on the little joke," you pronounced looking back to Dean. Before Sam or anyone could stop him, Dean Winchester ruined your day. 

" 'his eyes are a deep ocean. They way they light up when he gets excited is the epitome of my liking. And his chaste nature is completely fantasizing. Especially with the thought of those lips, '" Dean stopped and his smile faded. Being completely serious now. 

He didn't! They didn't! Son of a bitch they did! They read your freaking journal. You were furious. That journal was private. Your private thoughts. The only thing you could tell your secrets to. The kind of secrets only women would discuss. 

"Who found it!" you yelled. Kevin and Sam sat unmoved. They knew they were in the wrong and they felt bad for laughing at it. For laughing at you. Dean sat quiet, no budging to forfeit this argument. And Cas, you couldn't look at him; this whole thing was to embarrassing.   
"Who found it?" you managed again weakly; tears pricking your eyes. All trace of anger had vanished, and the thought of them reading your journal left you with a thick lump in your throat. 

"Why does it matter, (y/n)." Dean paused looking around the room. "It's not like it's about any of us. Is it." Looking around again doing a double take he continued. "Wait a hot second, could it be?"

"Dean," Cas said threateningly. Dean held his finger up to the angel and kept spitting out his words. 

"See, my eyes are green. Sammy's eyes are everything but blue, and Kevin's? Well first off, this entry was written two years ago. We've only known Kevin for one." he said as he retrieved the book from under the table.   
"Second, his eyes arent blue either, so that gives him a double strike." he paused for another moment. 

You knew he was waiting for you to give in. To break and say it yourself. What you didnt know, is why he was doing this. He had never acted like this before. He was always considerate of your feelings. And this, this was killing you, but you weren't going to raise your white flag. Not yet. 

"But let's take a second take at all of this. Another tally marker. Cas, you won that last round, so you have one tally." Sam stopped his brother. 

"Dean knock it off," he said in a demanding tone. But he continued to ramble on. 

"Let's see, who has chaste nature. I know I sure don't. And Sam, Sammys no virgin either. Leaving Kevin and Cas. Again, we didnt know Kevin when this was wrote out, so I don't think he should be apart of our tally system. Leaving Cas with yet, another tally mark." 

Sam had moved his eyes from his brother to you. Kevin watched jaw dropped at Dean while he was pointing out your feelings. Cas stared down at the table. Anger clear in his eyes. Between Deans unruly sarcastic remarks, and Sam, Kevin, and Cas himself doing nothing about it, finally made you break. A tear slipped down your face, followed by more. When Sam saw this, he stood up immediately and this grabbed Castiels attention. Sam was on his way over to you as Cas stood up but you slowly began to back away. 

"Fuck you Dean," you managed before you were consumed with tears. You turned and ran towards your room. Sam was on your trail, followed by Kevin. You made it to your room and locked the door before they could stop you. You curled onto your bed and lost yourself in the embarrassment and the new profound sadness you felt. 

Why had Dean been so rude? Why did the others sit and let him continue? Why did you have to write those feelings down? Why did you have to feel those feelings? Why did it have to be Cas? Why did he have to find out like this? Who found the stupid journal? Who was the one responsible for everyone finding out. 

All these questions circled your head over and over. Things got worse when you realized that before deans inquisition, they were laughing at you. 

"(y/n), please open the door. We need to talk to you." Kevin pressed. 

"Why don't you just laugh some more. Laugh and make fun of me and my feelings for Cas." you retorted. 

"I should have stopped Dean," Sam said more to Kevin than you. 

"Damn right you should have," you answered anyway. 

At that moment, a loud crash came from the kitchen. Followed by a 'son of a bitch' which would only have been from Dean. You listened carefully, trying to consume your tears to hear the hushed whispers outside your door. You heard Sam tell Kevin to stay. After a few more violent attempts, you made your way to the bathroom in your room. 

Grabbing your tooth paste, you drew the angel sigils on the walls and you slide down the wall across from the door. If Cas wanted to enter your bedroom, he could. But now you were isolated in your bathroom from them all. Your crying resurfaced, and after what felt like hours, another knock was at your bed room door. Your tears diminished and you listened. 

"(y/n), can I come in?" Cas called from outside. You didn't answer. You'd rather face Dean a million times over than to have this discussion with Cas. It was written in your journal, because it was something you didn't have the guts to discuss in person. Ironic huh, being a hunter, but to afraid to admit your admiration. 

He called again and you didn't answer. You couldn't. The thought of being around him brought the lump back to your throat from earlier. You heard the door handle attempt to twist, and the lump started to rise. 

"Please open the door," he called out again. His voice more stern. The continued silence filled the air until he spoke yet again.   
"(Y/n), you know I don't have to use the door to get in there." he said with no sign of amusement. *I do realize, that's why I've prepared for your visit* you thought.You heard a soft sigh and the familiar sound of his fluttering wings. 

"(y/n), where are you-" he began. He stopped suddenly. No doubt due to what you had done. "Why did you-" he hesitated. The realization hit him. "Don't do this. Please. I would like to talk to you." he begged. From somewhere you gained your voice. 

"Just,... Just go away Cas. I want to be left alone." 

"No you don't. Let me in." he pleaded. 

"Please go. I don't- I can't be around any of you right now."

"I want to apologize (y/n)," he stifled. Gosh, why did he have to say your name so much. The way he said it was to enthralling. And why was he apologizing. He had nothing to be sorry for. He hadn't laughed at you. He hadn't tore you down in front of your crush. 

"For what Cas. You didn't do anything." you said softly, as your vision became watery. 

"I have a lot to apologize for (y/n). I'm the cause of this rising. Dean wasn't supposed to act that way. Neither were Sam nor Kevin." 

"You couldnt have know Cas. Everyone here is unpredictable." you added. Outside you heard another sigh and an unamused smirk sound. 

"I should have realised. I'm not good at this whole human emotion thing. Let alone attraction or love. Even now, with all that's happened, your still making me the innocent one." 

" Cas, it's not - just don't - forget about it ok. It was just stupid. I shouldnt have written anything down. I knew one of them was bound to find it. You don't have to,.. To do anything. I'm fine, I just don't want to be around Dean right now. Or Sam. You don't have to try to comfort me, I'll be fine."

"(y/n), you said you were fine. Now your saying you'll be fine." 

"Cas, it's just," you began but we're interrupted. 

"You said you didn't want to be around Dean or Sam. You said nothing about me. Please come out here with me." You couldnt tell him to leave forcefully. It didn't feel right to. 

"Please," he whispered this time. You stood up. Your mind yelled at you to stop; to sit back down and ignore him. But your body thought otherwise, and decided to go against your will. Your predicament was heart over mind at the moment. You fought it the whole way. The steps you took to the door, your arm as it reached for the knob and lock, and then as you twisted and pulled it open. 

You met his gaze. His eyes soft, and full of worry. He gave you a once over. He couldnt touch you until you stepped out of the threshold. Noticing his delay, you had the opportunity to go back, and reshut the door and hide again. He watched as you looked towards the ground and attempted to retract back to your bathroom. 

"Please," he said again. You looked back up and he took a step back and nodded to your bed. "Please come sit with me," he insisted. 

"Cas, I just want to be alone,"

"(y/n)," his voice was pleading. He could see your discomfort and your sadness. "You may want to, but you don't need to be." he added. He looked from you, over to the bed and back. You took a step and another followed. He was able to touch you now that you were out of the room. He reached towards you but you took a step back and he immediately retracted. You stared at him intently as he did you. 

His eyes never left yours as he slowly took steps to the bed. He kept his distance from you and you took small steps mimicking his. He reached the bed and sat down. You stopped. Looking at him you looked back to the bathroom. Tempted to turn and run back. But you knew you wouldn't be able to. He would flutter in front of you to stop you from retreating. As you turned back around, he stood two feet away from you. *See, he's quiet and fast* you reminded yourself. There would be no escaping, this talk was going to happen. And it was going to happen now.

You stared down at the ground. The new realization hit you, and you didn't feel comfortable looking into his eyes. The butterflies flittered around in your stomach and you became nauseous. The worst feeling in the world is when your made fun of for liking your crush, in front of your crush. He sensed your unease, and took a step away to give you your personal space. 

His intentions were good. He never meant any harm for you. Hell, Cas was scary when he got angry on a hunt and when he was doing stuff in heaven. But even when he had a bad day, he would give you a soft smile, and ask you about your day. One of the many things that made you fall for him. He always treated you as if you were precious, and something worth a smile. His consideration made you warm inside, but the tears again started to fall. He raised his hand and lowered it and repeated this process, unaware of what to do. With you retracting every time he moved forward, he didn't want you to be uncomfortable. But it was eating him, just watching you roll around in self pity. He raised his hand slowly, eyes trained on yours to take in account, he softly grazed your face with his hand. 

"Please don't cry," he whispered softly. You couldn't stop yourself and before you knew it, you were hugging him around the waist. Tears fell uncontrollably. Who knew humans could cry so much at one setting. He cradled you as your eyes dampened his coat. He moved over to the bed and sat down with you in his lap. You moved your right hand up to his collar and tugged to hold on. He pulled you tighter and you began mumbling. 

"I'm sorry Cas," 

"Why are you sorry, it's just water," he said as he thought you were referring to the tear patch. 

"No, I mean, im-im sssorry for that to, and for crying, but I'm sorry for-for what I wrote, I didn't want you to-to know," you finally managed. He immediately pulled away from you to look you in the eyes. But your eyes wouldn't met his. His hand touched your face and he lifted your chin. You were forced into the blue eyes. As he lifted his other hand and removed your falling tears he said, "Why not?"   
You were taken aback by his statement. You cleared your throat after a moment. 

"Because Cas, your an angel and emotions aren't clear to you. Besides, your my best friend. And a lot of things are going on at the moment and I don't want you to feel like you owe me something when you owe me nothing. I just,... I don't expect anything. Were to busy with cases and hunting and saving Sam or Dean and then there's the thing with heaven and all the angels and then the constant Crowley crap. You don't need to be sidetracked with this silly situation, you need to have your full concentration on,.... On everything else. " 

He watched you as you spoke. He wiped away stray tears as they fell. He listened to what you had to say. He held you close. And his facial expression was unchanged. He still held the curious look from when he asked you why you hadn't told him. 

"Did you express your feelings and I misread them for something else?" he asked softly. You held your head up and looked into his eyes without him having to make you. 

"No, of course not. I mean, I tried my best not to. I'm sure it's not that you miss read anything. I mean, hell, Sam and Dean never found out or put the pieces together. Until they became nosy I guess." you laid your head back on his chest next to the tear spot. 

You rested there for a few minutes. Neither one of you saying anything. Your eyes grew heavy from the puffyness. You closed them, and soon you started to doze off. 

"(y/n)," he attempted to get your attention. He pulled you back to consciousness, but you couldn't find your words. 

"Hmmm," you answered and snuggled deeper to his chest. He moved and shifted into a laying position. He layed your head onto your pillow, and you resurfaced quickly. You shoot your head up, looking at him. 

"Cas dont go," he stood up, only to take off his coat and shoes. As he layed back down, he pulled you to him and you rested your head in the crook of his neck. His arms were around you, and you felt safe. As if nothing would ever harm you. 

"Cas," you whispered to him. He stroked his fingers through your hair. 

"(y/n),"

"Will you tell me a story?" you asked as you sunk into him. Wrapping around him like a vine. 

"Sure. Would you like one you've heard before or a new one?" he asked with a smile in his voice. You opened your eyes and looked at him. He turned to you. 

"You have a new story to tell me?" you asked giving him a small smile and a bright red blush. 

"I have a few actually."

"Okay," you said as you laid back down against him snuggling in. 

"I'm going to put it into one long story for you. Do you think you can stay awake?" he asked. You shook your head even though you already started to doze again. 

"It was a beautiful sunny day, and a beautiful girl woke up expecting nothing more than the usual. She came into the kitchen and was given two sets of smiles followed by a terrified angel." he paused as you lifted your head. 

"What? Is this... Cas I don't want to replay today. Wait, why were you terrified?" you interrogated. He smiled and pulled you closer to him. 

"Because (y/n), I didn't know what to do. Like you said human emotions are mysterious to me. I didn't know what I should do. I didn't want to hurt you. However; Sams opinion of my... feelings towards you are,..." he hesitated and you glanced up at him. He looked at you, his smile was long gone and you saw fear in his eyes. His throat bobbed before he spoke again. "(y/n), I.... I love you." You froze. Did he just say that. Did he mean it? Looking at him, looking into his eyes, you knew he wasn't lying. You moved your arm up to his neck as you watched each other intently. 

"I love you too, Castiel." and just like that, you wanted to kiss him. You closed in on his face and just as you were about to kiss his lips, he turned his head making you kiss his cheek. You pulled back, confusion gripping you. He saw the hurt he caused and quickly explained. 

"(Y/n), I need you to let me finish my story." you shook your head and he pulled his arms around you. "Will you hold all questions till the end?" this also confused you but you agreed. 

"Okay, so terrified angel. Then the beautiful girl, made her coffee, and sat to eat her breakfast confused at the unexplained smiles and laughter she was receiving. She sat by the angel, wishing she had just sat in his lap."

"Cas!"you shouted appalled looking up at him. He grinned and kissed your forehead. 

"Just trying to make you smile," he laughed onto your ear. You wound up smiling and shaking your head. 

"Anyway, "idgit" boys laughed at her and then one "douche monkey" in particular called her out on it because he was jealous. And the other two "douche monkeys" didn't do anything to stop him from continuing. The angel was too perplexed to understand what all was going on. He didn't mean to let her get hurt by the words, and he didn't realize the effect until it was to late. Sam and Kevin went after her and the angel stayed behind to take care of the problem," he said and then you remembered the loud noise from earlier. The noise Sam had left to go check out. What had Cas done to Dean. Wait, why was Dean jealous? Cas was aware of your silent questions but continued. 

"Dean is fine. Or rather he will be. I will most likely feel sorry for him later and heal him." you laughed at him and slipped in a quick question. 

"Why was Dean jealous?" you asked sympathetically. 

"You weren't the only one to suppress feelings, (y/n)." he answered. Dean liked you? Why? You didn't realize you said the last question aloud. 

"Because it's not hard to fall in love with you." he answered straightforward. You looked up at him and the desire to kiss him was becoming irresistible. You leant in again and he quickly kissed your forehead. 

"Cas," you wined. 

"I need to finish my story (y/n)," he pushed. You watched him, intregueing him to finish so he would hopefully kiss you back. 

"Sam stopped me from hurting him to bad. After Dean said all those things and you started to cry, I may have became angry. I felt protective over you and he hurt you. I lost myself. If it hadn't been for Sam..." he stopped. 

"It is my job to protect you. Whether it's from physical abuse or verbal. I don't like it when your upset. Sam sent Dean to go stop his bleeding nose and he talked with me for a while. Informed me of my feelings and expressed how him nor Kevin would get through to you. That if anyone was going to be able to, it would have to be me. So I came and respectably knocked and after a while I entered, but only to find the beautiful girl out smarted me. Not only was she hidden from the "douche monkeys", but the angel couldn't even make his way to her. With her blocking him out, he figured there was only one way to lure her out. He listened to what Sam had said, and he spoke from his heart. It came easily to him once he realized. Anyway, she finally opened up and then they shared a 'chick flick'moment, as Dean would say." he shared. 

"Your not Dean, Cas." you said. 

"She finally opened up, and the angel and herself fell into a knowing love. even after she listed the reasons why she never expressed her love for the angel."

You smiled as he rephrased his sentence. He really was one of a kind. 

"Cas, you do need to focus on those things. I don't need to be in the way of clear concentration." 

"Your my focus, everything else will work out as well. Except instead of 'bestfriends' fighting all this crap together, well be more." he hesitated for a moment. "Your mine (y/n)," he said protectively. "That is, if you still want me to be yours." this left you puzzled. 

"What do you mean? Of course I still want you Cas. I want you to kiss me." you said becoming impatient. He pulled away from you and looked down at a stray strand of your hair. 

"(Y/n)," he delayed," Sam and Dean didn't just find your journal and go through it." 

"What?" you said quizzically. What did he mean exactly?

"I read your journal," he said shamefully. "I read it, and I wasn't sure I was translating it correctly. I took it to them and that's how they found out. (y/n), it is my fault Dean said those harsh things to you. I knew how he felt about you. I should have waited for Sam alone."

"You knew Dean liked me?" you asked. He shook his head. 

"We all know. Your all he ever talks about." Stopping for a moment, you thought about this. Dean was, well Dean. You never thought of him more than a friend, well you saw him and Sam more as your older brothers. Yea he was hot, hell so was Sam, but you never fantasized about being lovers. Not like you had about Cas. 

"Cas, I-. I do love Dean, I really do. But he's a brother to me. He and Sam, they are already family. Even Kevin. He's like our weird cousin in this weird set up family. Your the only one I've wanted that way." you looked up at him as you explained. You stared at his lips and you pulled yourself up. 

"Where are you going?" he asked as you pulled away from his grasp. 

"I'm "going" to kiss you now, and if you try to stop me it's not going to work out for you because I will succeed. You know why? Because your mine, angel," he grinned at you. As you readjusted yourself, you wove your fingers through his nape hair. "I love you, Cas," you said right as your lips touched. 

The first few seconds were soft, gentle, and compassionate. Your tongues entangled together as if they were one. He pulled you closer to him, begging to close any distance apart. After a while you lifted yourself onto him. You pulled away a while later and he smiled. 

" I love you too, (y/n)," he whispered. You smiled and you kissed his jaw, down to his neck. Wrapping his arms around you tightly he whispered in your ear before kissing your hair.   
"So beautiful."

The two of you laid there together. Both content with holding each other. Not even words could express the love you shared. You would laugh occasionally, and kissed often. Then you formed another question. 

"Hey Cas?" you asked. Hmmm he replied. 

"Why did you read my journal. How did you find it?" he didn't reply so you glanced up to see the blushing angel. 

"It was opened, laying on your bed. I came in here because,.. because I missed you." he was sweet and completely adorable. You must have left it out before you left for the hunt. You kissed him and smiled. If it had been anyone else, you would have thought it stalkerish. After a moment, he began to talk more about the subject. 

"The page it was on, (y/n), it had my name on it. Written in a font with little designs on it. That's why I looked through it. I thought it was interesting, and so I picked it up and flipped through to see if you had written Sam or Deans name as well. And that's how I found the entries. Let I remind you, were of two years ago." When he stopped, you were the one to blush. 

"Well if you want up to date ones, they are in that drawer right over there," you said jokingly. He looked over to where you were pointing and he smiled. He started to shift but you stopped him. 

"Where are you going?" 

"I want to read them." he said seriously. 

"What! No, it was a joke Cas. You don't need to read them." He looked at you quizingly. 

"Why not?" he questioned. 

"Because it's embarrassing. I've been writing about you ever since the day I met you. All those feelings are locked up in those journals. There are somethings people do not need to know." you informed. 

"(y/n), I'm not people. I'm an angel. There is a big difference. Besides, there are four years worth of emotions that I need to catch up on," he tried to use the little innocent angel act. 

"Cas, you really don't want to."

"I really do," he persuaded. 

"You can't, because we need to go do something." his brows furrowed in confusion. "We need to go sort things out with Dean. Maybe see what damage you've done and put him out of atleast one misery." he recollected the real life problems. He did want to heal Dean and apologize sincerely. Not only had he beat him up pretty good, but he also won the heart of his angel.


End file.
